It's been awhile since I've posted anything here. I've got some updating to do, but I needed a place to put this, so...lots of raw spewing of emotion, verbal vomit processing, shit that I need to get out of my bloodstream and didn’t have anywhere else to put it. So it’s going here. Listening to… Continue reading How To Be Dead
Tag: relationships
No Expectations
I’ve seen the phrase “no expectations” used a lot in the context of relationships: everything from “We have no expectations of each other; we hang out when it feels good to and don’t when it doesn’t.” to “So-and-so keeps saying there are no expectations of our time together, but I don’t know what that means.”… Continue reading No Expectations
Submission and Suffering With Intention
Tonight, I decided it’d be a great night to put in a butt plug and do some writing. I’ve had a myriad of thoughts that I wanted to put down, and I haven’t worn my plug in awhile, and I drank a cup of cold brew, so why not? So I hopped in the shower… Continue reading Submission and Suffering With Intention
Scarcity and Dehydration
Scarcity mentality is an interesting thing. On one hand, it’s been the thing that pushed me to do things I might not have otherwise done, the idea that, “this could be the last time I have the chance to…” or “if I died tomorrow, what would I regret not doing?” The idea of limits and… Continue reading Scarcity and Dehydration
Getting What You Ask For (Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Getting What You Need)
For anyone that knows me, I am notoriously terrible at asking for the things that I want or need from other people. I’m so bad at it, people have created whole scenes for the express purpose of getting me to communicate desires. Part of the reason for this is because I am also notoriously terrible at knowingwhat I… Continue reading Getting What You Ask For (Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Getting What You Need)
Fragments
Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the beauty of people around me. I mean, sure. Aesthetically pleasing. But this, this is a different kind of beauty. The beauty of shadows and light. Complex expressions on the edge of sight. The way he bends. The way she turns her head. The way they smile, sleepily, curled up… Continue reading Fragments
Sex and Intimacy
Sex and intimacy have never been directly linked for me. Don’t get me wrong, I can definitely find intimacy in sex, particularly with people that I feel very strongly connected to. But I have never needed sex to feel intimate and close with someone. As much of a sexual person as I am, sex has always felt… Continue reading Sex and Intimacy
The End is Queer
I’ve been on a bit of a queer rampage again lately: telling stories, sharing histories. Explaining why I have such strong feelings about the term “partner.” Trying to explain that I feel a little like I’m navigating a foreign landscape because really, this whole year has been an adventure in renegotiating my relationship with my own queerness,… Continue reading The End is Queer
How You Sleep
Tell me how you sleep. I want to know the fleeting thoughts in the final seconds of consciousness that lull you toward dreams. Do you remember your dreams and if so, are they in full color? Do they start fresh every night or recur over and over like a well-loved movie? Do they tell you… Continue reading How You Sleep
Yes
“I love you, too,” she said, because she speaks the language of my eyes and I sink into the words like a blanket of moss beneath my hands. Soft. Certain. Steady. It might have been the first time, or the fiftieth, or that time where we have lost track of the number of times we… Continue reading Yes
Monomaniacism 