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Blog, Kink

Let’s Talk About Accessibility

Caveat: this addresses a couple components of the idea of accessibility as I hear it discussed; obviously, there are many, many other ways in which this idea comes up that I do not feel qualified to speak about. That being said, those discussion are also happening and should happen, and I am always into listening… Continue reading Let’s Talk About Accessibility

Blog, Consent, Kink

Transparency Around A Recent Incident That Occurred

Note: This is posted with the explicit consent of pyrataxia and with the permission of the board of directors of the space in which the incident occurred. Any names used are with the explicit consent and/or request of the named parties. I have written an in-depth report of the incident for the space, but I… Continue reading Transparency Around A Recent Incident That Occurred

Blog, Consent, Kink

Believing Victims, Supporting Friends

There seems to be this pervasive idea in the scene that you can’t simultaneously support your friends and believe victims who have experienced abuse at the hands of your friends. With all possible respect, I have to call bullshit on this kind of all-or-nothing, ultimatum, “pick sides” mentality, if for absolutely no other reason than… Continue reading Believing Victims, Supporting Friends

Blog, Consent, Kink, Mental Health, Non-Monogamy

No Expectations

I’ve seen the phrase “no expectations” used a lot in the context of relationships: everything from “We have no expectations of each other; we hang out when it feels good to and don’t when it doesn’t.” to “So-and-so keeps saying there are no expectations of our time together, but I don’t know what that means.”… Continue reading No Expectations

Blog, Kink

Being Accessible for Feedback

This post is predominantly aimed at men (particularly cismen) who tend to play with predominantly people who are socialized female. Predominantly,not exclusively; these things are applicable to any configuration of top/bottom individuals. And dear god, please don’t “not all men” here; I’m very aware that not all men do anything. This writing is in response to… Continue reading Being Accessible for Feedback

Blog, Kink, Non-Monogamy

Intention in Communication: Permission, Opinion, Information

I’ve had this ongoing thought recently, and it keeps coming up in conversations, so I figured it’s worth writing down. There are a lot of different ways and reasons and contexts in which we communicate things in relationships, but they mostly seem to boil down to one of three general categories: asking permission, asking opinion,… Continue reading Intention in Communication: Permission, Opinion, Information

Blog, Creative Non-Fiction, Kink

Flimsy

I have failed you, friend (and in that one sentence, hold the complexities of the interpersonal convergence of accountability; most notably, we have no agreements for me to fail and yet.) And yet. If we do not name these things, the weaves and threads that tangle ever moreso, does that somehow make them less real? Less… Continue reading Flimsy