It's been awhile since I've posted anything here. I've got some updating to do, but I needed a place to put this, so...lots of raw spewing of emotion, verbal vomit processing, shit that I need to get out of my bloodstream and didn’t have anywhere else to put it. So it’s going here. Listening to… Continue reading How To Be Dead
Category: Mental Health
No Expectations
I’ve seen the phrase “no expectations” used a lot in the context of relationships: everything from “We have no expectations of each other; we hang out when it feels good to and don’t when it doesn’t.” to “So-and-so keeps saying there are no expectations of our time together, but I don’t know what that means.”… Continue reading No Expectations
Unpopular Opinions Post
I have a whole list of things I want to write, and I jokingly said I should consolidate them all into a singular post called The Unpopular Opinions Post. And maybe it was a joke at first, but the more I think about it, the more I just want to state these things that I… Continue reading Unpopular Opinions Post
Despite Everything, I Am Still Human
For awhile there, I had this barometer: if something felt scary to say, it was probably important to say it. I have a really hard time differentiating between overthinking simple things and actual, legitimate feelings. I’m never sure if the sensation I’m experiencing is the result of overprocessing a simple thing, or if it’s an… Continue reading Despite Everything, I Am Still Human
They’re Not Emotions; They’re Symptoms
I was talking to my partner about something that had been nagging at me a bit- nothing big, but I wanted his perspective. As we were talking, I made the comment that I’m not a highly emotional person… or I tried to, anyway, but he started laughing uncontrollably. “You can’t tell me that you’re not… Continue reading They’re Not Emotions; They’re Symptoms
Scarcity and Dehydration
Scarcity mentality is an interesting thing. On one hand, it’s been the thing that pushed me to do things I might not have otherwise done, the idea that, “this could be the last time I have the chance to…” or “if I died tomorrow, what would I regret not doing?” The idea of limits and… Continue reading Scarcity and Dehydration
Transitions and Movement
It’s been an interesting few months. This time of year is notoriously difficult for me- the space between the holidays and the coming spring is traditionally one of the hardest times to be in my head. It feels stagnant, everyone is hibernating- recovering from family time, stressing about money, out of spoons for socializing- and… Continue reading Transitions and Movement
Need
My body is craving sensation. Pain. I’m trying to remember the last time my body needed to ground down into pain. It’s not a bad feeling, exactly. It’s just disorienting. Like my skin doesn’t fit right and I need to writhe around inside of it. Like I need something that forces me to push against… Continue reading Need
Diving In
I’m spinning around the thoughts in my head, a pressure canister, trying to hold everything contained in the midst of a tornado grasping and pulling the pieces from my fingertips. Breathe. It’s a frantic dash, the feeling like maybe, just maybe, I can keep everything from flying out of my control if I can just… Continue reading Diving In
Demons and Body Issues
CW: food stuff, body image, references to addiction and eating disorders I’m sitting at my job, and realize that I’m hungry. I’m hungry. What a sensation; I don’t feel hungry very often. I want to scream out to the world: I ate substantial food today! Things with nutrients! I felt hungry and handled it in a good… Continue reading Demons and Body Issues
Monomaniacism 