Blog, Consent, Kink, Mental Health, Non-Monogamy

No Expectations

I’ve seen the phrase “no expectations” used a lot in the context of relationships: everything from “We have no expectations of each other; we hang out when it feels good to and don’t when it doesn’t.” to “So-and-so keeps saying there are no expectations of our time together, but I don’t know what that means.”… Continue reading No Expectations

Blog, Kink

Being Accessible for Feedback

This post is predominantly aimed at men (particularly cismen) who tend to play with predominantly people who are socialized female. Predominantly,not exclusively; these things are applicable to any configuration of top/bottom individuals. And dear god, please don’t “not all men” here; I’m very aware that not all men do anything. This writing is in response to… Continue reading Being Accessible for Feedback

Blog, Kink, Non-Monogamy

Intention in Communication: Permission, Opinion, Information

I’ve had this ongoing thought recently, and it keeps coming up in conversations, so I figured it’s worth writing down. There are a lot of different ways and reasons and contexts in which we communicate things in relationships, but they mostly seem to boil down to one of three general categories: asking permission, asking opinion,… Continue reading Intention in Communication: Permission, Opinion, Information

Blog, Creative Non-Fiction, Kink

Flimsy

I have failed you, friend (and in that one sentence, hold the complexities of the interpersonal convergence of accountability; most notably, we have no agreements for me to fail and yet.) And yet. If we do not name these things, the weaves and threads that tangle ever moreso, does that somehow make them less real? Less… Continue reading Flimsy

Blog, Consent, Kink, Mental Health

Unpopular Opinions Post

I have a whole list of things I want to write, and I jokingly said I should consolidate them all into a singular post called The Unpopular Opinions Post. And maybe it was a joke at first, but the more I think about it, the more I just want to state these things that I… Continue reading Unpopular Opinions Post

Blog, Creative Non-Fiction

Dampened

I’m sorry, love. I lost the words, trapped them deep beneath a stone shelter I forgot I built when first I felt the rumbles echoing beneath my feet. Here demons roam, saying too little and too much and not enough of the right anything and so I silenced them by burying them deep inside the… Continue reading Dampened

Blog, Consent, Kink

The Role of Empathy in Consent

Note: this is long, incredibly nuanced, and full of caveats. I tried to trim down as much as I could, but I also believe that not everything is simple, and sometimes the nuance and complexity is important to the discussion. I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday about a series of loaded topics-… Continue reading The Role of Empathy in Consent