Blog, Consent, Kink, Mental Health, Non-Monogamy

No Expectations

I’ve seen the phrase “no expectations” used a lot in the context of relationships: everything from “We have no expectations of each other; we hang out when it feels good to and don’t when it doesn’t.” to “So-and-so keeps saying there are no expectations of our time together, but I don’t know what that means.”… Continue reading No Expectations

Blog, Kink

Being Accessible for Feedback

This post is predominantly aimed at men (particularly cismen) who tend to play with predominantly people who are socialized female. Predominantly,not exclusively; these things are applicable to any configuration of top/bottom individuals. And dear god, please don’t “not all men” here; I’m very aware that not all men do anything. This writing is in response to… Continue reading Being Accessible for Feedback

Blog, Kink, Non-Monogamy

Intention in Communication: Permission, Opinion, Information

I’ve had this ongoing thought recently, and it keeps coming up in conversations, so I figured it’s worth writing down. There are a lot of different ways and reasons and contexts in which we communicate things in relationships, but they mostly seem to boil down to one of three general categories: asking permission, asking opinion,… Continue reading Intention in Communication: Permission, Opinion, Information

Blog, Kink, Mental Health

Transitions and Movement

It’s been an interesting few months. This time of year is notoriously difficult for me- the space between the holidays and the coming spring is traditionally one of the hardest times to be in my head. It feels stagnant, everyone is hibernating- recovering from family time, stressing about money, out of spoons for socializing- and… Continue reading Transitions and Movement

Blog, Kink

Getting What You Ask For (Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Getting What You Need)

For anyone that knows me, I am notoriously terrible at asking for the things that I want or need from other people. I’m so bad at it, people have created whole scenes for the express purpose of getting me to communicate desires. Part of the reason for this is because I am also notoriously terrible at knowingwhat I… Continue reading Getting What You Ask For (Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Getting What You Need)

Blog, Kink

Small Gratitudes

I woke to a sense of golden peace, the deep, permeating kind that resonates in my bones. I’ve been thinking about gratitude lately- not just in the Thanksgiving sense, but in the sense of my life as a whole. A recent example: a sweetheart of mine texts me goodnight most nights, long after I’m already… Continue reading Small Gratitudes

Blog, Kink

I’ll Invent Reasons to Reject You So You Never Get to Reject Me

So, I've recently become aware of this Problematic Thing that I do, particularly with people with whom my insecurities get in the way of trusting their affection for me. It starts with some kind of (usually false) premise (also known, in this case, as an insecurity). Something like an inherent belief that: I take up… Continue reading I’ll Invent Reasons to Reject You So You Never Get to Reject Me