I have failed you, friend (and in that one sentence, hold the complexities of the interpersonal convergence of accountability; most notably, we have no agreements for me to fail and yet.) And yet. If we do not name these things, the weaves and threads that tangle ever moreso, does that somehow make them less real? Less… Continue reading Flimsy
Tag: stream of consciousness
Dampened
I’m sorry, love. I lost the words, trapped them deep beneath a stone shelter I forgot I built when first I felt the rumbles echoing beneath my feet. Here demons roam, saying too little and too much and not enough of the right anything and so I silenced them by burying them deep inside the… Continue reading Dampened
You Know Me
Find the pieces of me that make me the most of who I am and gently shred them. The places I hold closest to my heart and lay them bare. Spread wide. Slip your fingers into the warm velvet of my vulnerability, the slick crevices of my mind where I hide parts of my heart… Continue reading You Know Me
I Want You To Wreck Me
I want you to wreck me. Eyes closed, taste the succor of words, unexpected but perhaps all the more potent because of it. Flash images of tears that never come, brimming just over the edge of a line I never cross. I can’t transcribe what I see in my mind, but god, I ache for… Continue reading I Want You To Wreck Me
This One Is For Me
This one is for me. Not for elegance and eloquence, but for something else. The rougher edges and hollowed cores of pieces of me I left by the wayside. For years of stories lurking just beneath the surface. Scribbled fragments on the backs of serving paper and greasy placemats. She says, over and over. There… Continue reading This One Is For Me
Diving In
I’m spinning around the thoughts in my head, a pressure canister, trying to hold everything contained in the midst of a tornado grasping and pulling the pieces from my fingertips. Breathe. It’s a frantic dash, the feeling like maybe, just maybe, I can keep everything from flying out of my control if I can just… Continue reading Diving In
How You Sleep
Tell me how you sleep. I want to know the fleeting thoughts in the final seconds of consciousness that lull you toward dreams. Do you remember your dreams and if so, are they in full color? Do they start fresh every night or recur over and over like a well-loved movie? Do they tell you… Continue reading How You Sleep
Quivers
I woke this morning to vibrations. Movement, quivering. A trembling step, an electric current grasped and held, coursing through. The air bites through the trees, angrily whipping in the predawn glow. I can feel the danger, just the right amount, in the groan of the branches and whirlwinds of dead leaves rising from the ground.… Continue reading Quivers
Want With Feeling
Sometimes, I just write stream of consciousness while chain smoking in my car. If you only allow yourself to want what you already have, there is no risk. No vulnerability. No fear of rejection, no discomfort, no hard conversations. There is no growth. No chance to see or be seen in new ways. No moments… Continue reading Want With Feeling
Catharsis
CW: singular reference to cathartic self-harm practice Slow movement. The air pressure shifts drops presses contracts against my skin. A sense of waiting, the thin edge between expectation and anticipation. Build rise fall drop. Every breeze feels like the beginning of a hurricane that doesn't manifest fully. Grasping. Midnight purple, the color you are when… Continue reading Catharsis
Monomaniacism 