Content note: discussion of consensual non-consent (CNC) with references to rape play and coercive non-sober kink Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or something like that, they say. My manic brain put a nice twist on that today: scarcity makes desire obsessive. I’m unraveling a thought thread that is made of so many different parts, I… Continue reading Dancing with Demons
Tag: fear
The End is Queer
I’ve been on a bit of a queer rampage again lately: telling stories, sharing histories. Explaining why I have such strong feelings about the term “partner.” Trying to explain that I feel a little like I’m navigating a foreign landscape because really, this whole year has been an adventure in renegotiating my relationship with my own queerness,… Continue reading The End is Queer
Out of Time
I’m out of time again, that pervasive sense that I have lost the luxury of being able to be afraid. Fear is a waste of time, a waste of moment, a wasted opportunity, and there are far too few of those. I should tell you. What I have is now, freezing in my skin, curled… Continue reading Out of Time
Feels and Fears on Anal Sex
I was joking with a friend about how, if I wanted to write something truly vulnerable and terrifying, I would write about my feels and fears around anal sex. And then I thought about it more, and figured, eh, what the hell. It’s probably good to get them all out into one place anyway. K,… Continue reading Feels and Fears on Anal Sex
Want With Feeling
Sometimes, I just write stream of consciousness while chain smoking in my car. If you only allow yourself to want what you already have, there is no risk. No vulnerability. No fear of rejection, no discomfort, no hard conversations. There is no growth. No chance to see or be seen in new ways. No moments… Continue reading Want With Feeling
Catharsis
CW: singular reference to cathartic self-harm practice Slow movement. The air pressure shifts drops presses contracts against my skin. A sense of waiting, the thin edge between expectation and anticipation. Build rise fall drop. Every breeze feels like the beginning of a hurricane that doesn't manifest fully. Grasping. Midnight purple, the color you are when… Continue reading Catharsis
I Don’t Need Allies; I Need Comrades
note: this is pretty raw, unedited, emotional output. Please don't expect polished and shiny. I don't have it in me right now. My partner and I found ourselves having similar conversations with two separate people this morning. Amazing, wonderful friends who are so aware of their own privilege and the space they take up that… Continue reading I Don’t Need Allies; I Need Comrades
Thanks, and Fuck You Very Much
I'm scared to pick my goddaughter up from school. Today it was the guys in the car, slowing to a crawl and jeering, catcalling. I gestured at them to move the fuck along, but she still saw it. She didn't say anything, but she saw it. My heart skipped a beat when they pulled into… Continue reading Thanks, and Fuck You Very Much
Flash
Content Warning: processing through the effects of repeated sexual harassment, trauma, and violence; explicit language I want you to fuck me. Why is that so difficult for me to say? I like sex. I like getting fucked. I like the way it feels, in my body, in that moment. It’s just sex. But it’s not,… Continue reading Flash
Monomaniacism 