I’ve seen the phrase “no expectations” used a lot in the context of relationships: everything from “We have no expectations of each other; we hang out when it feels good to and don’t when it doesn’t.” to “So-and-so keeps saying there are no expectations of our time together, but I don’t know what that means.”… Continue reading No Expectations
Tag: desire
Weary Musings
I haven’t been writing much lately, and I can feel it wearing away at me. When I don’t write, I feel weary, and when I don’t write because I don’t have time and energy to do so, I feel doubly weary. And I have been so, so weary lately. So I promised I would make… Continue reading Weary Musings
You Know Me
Find the pieces of me that make me the most of who I am and gently shred them. The places I hold closest to my heart and lay them bare. Spread wide. Slip your fingers into the warm velvet of my vulnerability, the slick crevices of my mind where I hide parts of my heart… Continue reading You Know Me
I Want You To Wreck Me
I want you to wreck me. Eyes closed, taste the succor of words, unexpected but perhaps all the more potent because of it. Flash images of tears that never come, brimming just over the edge of a line I never cross. I can’t transcribe what I see in my mind, but god, I ache for… Continue reading I Want You To Wreck Me
Transitions and Movement
It’s been an interesting few months. This time of year is notoriously difficult for me- the space between the holidays and the coming spring is traditionally one of the hardest times to be in my head. It feels stagnant, everyone is hibernating- recovering from family time, stressing about money, out of spoons for socializing- and… Continue reading Transitions and Movement
I Have to Choose
I’ve been in this strange place recently, grappling with desires that don’t usually exist in the forefront of my mind. Submission, in some form. Power. Pain. I’ve written about them from every angle I can imagine, deconstructed them a million and one different ways, followed my nice, logical thought process through to whatever conclusions and… Continue reading I Have to Choose
In Shifting Dreams
I fell into sleep with the thought that if I ever claim the threshold of my own desires, it would be a fearsome thing to behold, and woke to the warmth of soft, gentle tears from the beauty of the echoing dreams. I fear what I want and I want what I fear. The crimson… Continue reading In Shifting Dreams
Getting What You Ask For (Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Getting What You Need)
For anyone that knows me, I am notoriously terrible at asking for the things that I want or need from other people. I’m so bad at it, people have created whole scenes for the express purpose of getting me to communicate desires. Part of the reason for this is because I am also notoriously terrible at knowingwhat I… Continue reading Getting What You Ask For (Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Getting What You Need)
Sex and Intimacy
Sex and intimacy have never been directly linked for me. Don’t get me wrong, I can definitely find intimacy in sex, particularly with people that I feel very strongly connected to. But I have never needed sex to feel intimate and close with someone. As much of a sexual person as I am, sex has always felt… Continue reading Sex and Intimacy
Need
My body is craving sensation. Pain. I’m trying to remember the last time my body needed to ground down into pain. It’s not a bad feeling, exactly. It’s just disorienting. Like my skin doesn’t fit right and I need to writhe around inside of it. Like I need something that forces me to push against… Continue reading Need
Monomaniacism 