It's been awhile since I've posted anything here. I've got some updating to do, but I needed a place to put this, so...lots of raw spewing of emotion, verbal vomit processing, shit that I need to get out of my bloodstream and didn’t have anywhere else to put it. So it’s going here. Listening to… Continue reading How To Be Dead
Tag: Mental Health
They’re Not Emotions; They’re Symptoms
I was talking to my partner about something that had been nagging at me a bit- nothing big, but I wanted his perspective. As we were talking, I made the comment that I’m not a highly emotional person… or I tried to, anyway, but he started laughing uncontrollably. “You can’t tell me that you’re not… Continue reading They’re Not Emotions; They’re Symptoms
Transitions and Movement
It’s been an interesting few months. This time of year is notoriously difficult for me- the space between the holidays and the coming spring is traditionally one of the hardest times to be in my head. It feels stagnant, everyone is hibernating- recovering from family time, stressing about money, out of spoons for socializing- and… Continue reading Transitions and Movement
Diving In
I’m spinning around the thoughts in my head, a pressure canister, trying to hold everything contained in the midst of a tornado grasping and pulling the pieces from my fingertips. Breathe. It’s a frantic dash, the feeling like maybe, just maybe, I can keep everything from flying out of my control if I can just… Continue reading Diving In
Out of Time
I’m out of time again, that pervasive sense that I have lost the luxury of being able to be afraid. Fear is a waste of time, a waste of moment, a wasted opportunity, and there are far too few of those. I should tell you. What I have is now, freezing in my skin, curled… Continue reading Out of Time
Full Moon Sparks
I feel it seeping in my skin. A slow tingle that spreads, warm like bourbon, a sharp spice echoing on my tongue. Wild eyes. I’m biting my lip to ground into something. My limbs are sewn together with lightning and it sparks my movement, surges of kinetic heat. Building, creating. An itch for something a… Continue reading Full Moon Sparks
This Is The Chaos
I am running from what is real, afraid of memory and the promise it holds. I gave myself permission and now I am afraid of so much freedom. I am afraid to sink into what lives inside of me. Unscrupulous greys, she called it, that moral compass inside of us that never points north. It’s… Continue reading This Is The Chaos
Tell Me What You See
What do you see? Some days, I cannot find the best versions of myself and I decide to be the person other people seem to see in me. But I don't know what you see. I see what I am not. I see the ways in which I fail to be the length and width… Continue reading Tell Me What You See
On Rope, Self-Tying, and Body Image
So uh, I've been doing a lot of rope lately, which isn't altogether surprising. When I get something stuck in my teeth, I tend to go hard at it for a while until I either integrate it into my life or let it drop off (guess which direction this one is going?). Doing a lot… Continue reading On Rope, Self-Tying, and Body Image
Anxiety and Projection
Anxiety is a tricky beast. For a long time, I didn't think anxiety was something I struggled with because I don't have a lot of social anxiety. I like being in groups of people most of the time. It feeds my extroverted side, and extroverts don't have anxiety. (This is bullshit, by the way). My brain often… Continue reading Anxiety and Projection
Monomaniacism 