Blog, Consent, Kink

Consent Violations are Part of My Risk Profile

We talk about risk profiles in the scene- the idea that we recognize that different activities carry certain types of risks, and we understand what those risks are (to the best of our abilities). We attempt to mitigate those risks through negotiation, safewords, in-scene checks, etc. but at the end of the day, we recognize… Continue reading Consent Violations are Part of My Risk Profile

Blog, Consent, Kink, Queerness

Better Standards

Maybe we all need to be held to better standards. All of us. Spoiler note: it is exhausting. And sometimes requires that we step away to focus. And it never ends. We get into this world, bright-eyed, excited, finally feeling like we have found our people, found where we belong. Some of us, anyway. I’m… Continue reading Better Standards

Blog, Consent, Kink, Power, Pain, and D/s

Tell Me

I want you to tell me. I don’t know who you are, or if you’re even real. If you exist, somewhere, in the world, in my world. I don’t care. I want you to tell me. Tell me it’s time. After hours of waiting and surges of wanting, its time. I can touch myself, but… Continue reading Tell Me

Blog, Consent, Kink

Consent, Risk Assessment, and Responsibility

It would be really nice if consent were as black-and-white as I want it to be. But even in my own life, I recognize that that is not necessarily true. Example: Two people in an ongoing play/sometimes-sexual relationship decide to do a scene. One person is feeling a little off and not incredibly sexual, and communicate… Continue reading Consent, Risk Assessment, and Responsibility

Blog, Consent, Kink, Power, Pain, and D/s

Permission, Consent, and Renegotiating Fearplay

I had a situation occur that has me thinking about the nuanced difference between “permission” and “consent.” Consent, of course, is a complex, complicated concept that roughly comes down to an understanding of limits, boundaries, and activities that people mutually agree to engage in together. Of course it’s more complicated than that, but the focus… Continue reading Permission, Consent, and Renegotiating Fearplay

Blog, Consent, Kink

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

This might be an unpopular opinion, but it's something I've been mulling around in my head lately: the way I play privately is very different from how I play publicly...never mind “best practices” discussions and what we teach about safety, consent, and how to navigate the scene. It's not bad or good; it just is what it… Continue reading Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Blog, Consent, Kink, Psychological & CNC

Safewords, CNC, and How We Define Consent

This has been ruminating for some time, and recent conversations with several people- including discussing co-teaching a class on CNC-have brought it back to the forefront of my mind, along with the general community-wide discussions of consent. So, I figured now is as good a time as any. The content warnings are what you would… Continue reading Safewords, CNC, and How We Define Consent