Note: This is posted with the explicit consent of pyrataxia and with the permission of the board of directors of the space in which the incident occurred. Any names used are with the explicit consent and/or request of the named parties. I have written an in-depth report of the incident for the space, but I… Continue reading Transparency Around A Recent Incident That Occurred
Category: Consent
Believing Victims, Supporting Friends
There seems to be this pervasive idea in the scene that you can’t simultaneously support your friends and believe victims who have experienced abuse at the hands of your friends. With all possible respect, I have to call bullshit on this kind of all-or-nothing, ultimatum, “pick sides” mentality, if for absolutely no other reason than… Continue reading Believing Victims, Supporting Friends
No Expectations
I’ve seen the phrase “no expectations” used a lot in the context of relationships: everything from “We have no expectations of each other; we hang out when it feels good to and don’t when it doesn’t.” to “So-and-so keeps saying there are no expectations of our time together, but I don’t know what that means.”… Continue reading No Expectations
Unpopular Opinions Post
I have a whole list of things I want to write, and I jokingly said I should consolidate them all into a singular post called The Unpopular Opinions Post. And maybe it was a joke at first, but the more I think about it, the more I just want to state these things that I… Continue reading Unpopular Opinions Post
The Role of Empathy in Consent
Note: this is long, incredibly nuanced, and full of caveats. I tried to trim down as much as I could, but I also believe that not everything is simple, and sometimes the nuance and complexity is important to the discussion. I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday about a series of loaded topics-… Continue reading The Role of Empathy in Consent
Consent Violations are Part of My Risk Profile
We talk about risk profiles in the scene- the idea that we recognize that different activities carry certain types of risks, and we understand what those risks are (to the best of our abilities). We attempt to mitigate those risks through negotiation, safewords, in-scene checks, etc. but at the end of the day, we recognize… Continue reading Consent Violations are Part of My Risk Profile
Better Standards
Maybe we all need to be held to better standards. All of us. Spoiler note: it is exhausting. And sometimes requires that we step away to focus. And it never ends. We get into this world, bright-eyed, excited, finally feeling like we have found our people, found where we belong. Some of us, anyway. I’m… Continue reading Better Standards
Tell Me
I want you to tell me. I don’t know who you are, or if you’re even real. If you exist, somewhere, in the world, in my world. I don’t care. I want you to tell me. Tell me it’s time. After hours of waiting and surges of wanting, its time. I can touch myself, but… Continue reading Tell Me
Consent, Risk Assessment, and Responsibility
It would be really nice if consent were as black-and-white as I want it to be. But even in my own life, I recognize that that is not necessarily true. Example: Two people in an ongoing play/sometimes-sexual relationship decide to do a scene. One person is feeling a little off and not incredibly sexual, and communicate… Continue reading Consent, Risk Assessment, and Responsibility
Permission, Consent, and Renegotiating Fearplay
I had a situation occur that has me thinking about the nuanced difference between “permission” and “consent.” Consent, of course, is a complex, complicated concept that roughly comes down to an understanding of limits, boundaries, and activities that people mutually agree to engage in together. Of course it’s more complicated than that, but the focus… Continue reading Permission, Consent, and Renegotiating Fearplay
Monomaniacism 