You want to see me lose control, you say. You are not alone in this. It's a common theme. What I look like when I let go. What I look like when I give up control. I want, too. I want to know why. Do you find it beautiful? The mess, the raw humanness of… Continue reading Losing Control
Category: Blog
The Rest of Heaven was Blue
My brain is a fritzball made of static electricity and cotton balls. The world is built of molasses and wet blankets. Burn everything but the wood is damp. You will be lightning and cotton candy again soon. The world maintains its pace, you are feeling inertia. The sky is terrible. I have never loved you… Continue reading The Rest of Heaven was Blue
Memories at Midnight
It's three AM and I am pulsing, a rhythmic hum like current flowing just beneath my skin. If you touched my fingers, the ends would spark, static electricity, small bolts of lightning, a shock, a charge, a moment. I remember, and in remembering, I live and relive the experiences that brought me here to trembling… Continue reading Memories at Midnight
Fusion ’17 Write-Up
This camp was about giving up control. I knew this walking in, although I didn’t expect it to manifest in such a literal way (I did a lot more bottoming this camp than I have in the past). But this camp was about letting go and giving up control: not frantically looking for people or… Continue reading Fusion ’17 Write-Up
Doing Things at Fusion
So, I've been terrible about actually playing at camp the past couple of events, and I would very much like to change that. So, in that spirit, I figured I would name some things I would be open to discussing/negotiating: rope (bottoming): fun ties, I-wanna-practice-some-technical-stuff ties, goofy ties, awkward ties… Not super into insanely sadistic,… Continue reading Doing Things at Fusion
On Fluid Bonding
My partner and I recently changed our safer sex/barrier practices which, of course, brings up the conversation of fluid bonding and what that means in the context of our relationship. It's been a conversation flitting around the periphery of my experience lately because I've been sleeping with (and having more conversations with) people who are… Continue reading On Fluid Bonding
Open Your Eyes
I force my eyes open. They are standing over me and I drink in the curves of their face, their hair cascading down their back and haphazardly draping forward over their shoulder, one hand between my legs, the other wrapped, momentarily, around my throat. I've seen that look before, a slow spreading joy, drinking in… Continue reading Open Your Eyes
When Your Greatest Strengths Become Your Biggest Crutch
Someday, I will write out the full story of the past six months because, while it has been told in bits and pieces, there is still so much I held so close to my chest. It’s an old defense mechanism, a tactic to keep from getting hurt when everything inevitably falls apart (because everything does;… Continue reading When Your Greatest Strengths Become Your Biggest Crutch
String Theory and Stardust
Cowritten in collaboration with Melissa Fate is nothing if not unpredictable. Chaos is the stable ground beneath your feet. I don’t know what I expected. We coexisted in two-dimensional space, across miles in words with no depth or volume, living the memories of other people’s stories. But we exist in a three-dimensional world. Even those… Continue reading String Theory and Stardust
Up Off the Mat
I got a taste of what I needed, and my body carries the ache in mappable lines crisscrossing my skin. The soreness in my shoulders blossoming out into ameboid bruises from elbows and fists. The latitudes and longitudes of rope marks shadowed on my arms and legs. The singed lines along my stomach hair from… Continue reading Up Off the Mat
Monomaniacism 