Sometimes, I just write stream of consciousness while chain smoking in my car. If you only allow yourself to want what you already have, there is no risk. No vulnerability. No fear of rejection, no discomfort, no hard conversations. There is no growth. No chance to see or be seen in new ways. No moments… Continue reading Want With Feeling
Category: Blog
What Rises Up
This desire is inconvenient. I don't have time for the tides that rise, the build and pulse, the steady throb, the bad ideas whispering like consequences are someone else's concern, like all I want is to whisper your name on the winds and have it tickle your ear. Inconveniently. Fuck me inconveniently, with reckless abandon,… Continue reading What Rises Up
Surprise Me
I've been thinking about care and affection a lot lately- how I show it, how I understand it, and how I receive it. I always feel slightly... limited... by the language surrounding the "5 Love Languages" concept, but the idea is pretty spot-on, I think. We all give, receive, and understand affection, care, love, whatever… Continue reading Surprise Me
I Am Not Your Partner
This isn't really a response to any one person or situation, but rather a collection of discussions I've had over the last few weeks. It feels worth it to talk about publicly because it's something that is increasingly important to me, and it has come up with various people in different situations. The short version:… Continue reading I Am Not Your Partner
Catharsis
CW: singular reference to cathartic self-harm practice Slow movement. The air pressure shifts drops presses contracts against my skin. A sense of waiting, the thin edge between expectation and anticipation. Build rise fall drop. Every breeze feels like the beginning of a hurricane that doesn't manifest fully. Grasping. Midnight purple, the color you are when… Continue reading Catharsis
This is the Mess
I'm biting my lip. There is a storm brewing just beneath my skin. This one came on fast, if we ignore the building winds and inconsistent sirens over the past few months. I'm searching for my next bad idea, and you're looking better every minute. Are you willing to be a mistake? Or are you… Continue reading This is the Mess
Fuck Me Like You Mean It
Fuck me with your eyes, watching my movements and aching to bind me into stillness so that you can see me fully. Uncover each piece of me like it is new, like you are awestuck at the sight of me, naked and stretched out before you. Drink it in, an insatiable hunger building as you… Continue reading Fuck Me Like You Mean It
Lessons Learned
This is going to be long, and mostly exists for me to bookmark something important for myself, but perhaps there are kernels in here for others as well. I’m exhausted, but if I don’t write this now, I’m afraid I will lose this feeling and with it, the opportunity to capture pieces of this into… Continue reading Lessons Learned
Don’t Tell Me You’re Queer
Show me. Show me in the way you move through the world, in the way that you think and act and respond and live. Queer is a multidimensional concept. Queer isn't just who you fuck, but how. Queer isn't just to whom you show affection, but when and why. Queer is sensory; it has form… Continue reading Don’t Tell Me You’re Queer
I’ll Invent Reasons to Reject You So You Never Get to Reject Me
So, I've recently become aware of this Problematic Thing that I do, particularly with people with whom my insecurities get in the way of trusting their affection for me. It starts with some kind of (usually false) premise (also known, in this case, as an insecurity). Something like an inherent belief that: I take up… Continue reading I’ll Invent Reasons to Reject You So You Never Get to Reject Me
Monomaniacism 