He searches my face, looking in and through my eyes. I cock my head, raise an eyebrow. “What?” I whisper. He shrugs. “Just looking to see if your eyes are doing any fun things.” “And are they?” I ask. “Mmmmm,” comes the non-committal reply, echoed in the small smile tugging at the corner of his… Continue reading The Metallic Taste of Blue
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I Have to Choose
I’ve been in this strange place recently, grappling with desires that don’t usually exist in the forefront of my mind. Submission, in some form. Power. Pain. I’ve written about them from every angle I can imagine, deconstructed them a million and one different ways, followed my nice, logical thought process through to whatever conclusions and… Continue reading I Have to Choose
But I Can Just Do It Myself…
I’ve been playing around with photography again for the first time in years. It feels good to pick my camera back up and, even if I’m rusty as hell, it’s coming back (and let’s face it, I only ever half-knew what I was doing anyway). So, it’s part remembering and part learning. I got back… Continue reading But I Can Just Do It Myself…
Integration: Winter Fire 2018
I never know what to expect walking into Winter Fire. It’s a bit hit-or-miss; sometimes, things converge in really good ways; sometimes, everything seems to just slightly miss the mark. This was a convergence, and I went into it checking my own assumptions with the intention of doing things that scared me. It paid off.… Continue reading Integration: Winter Fire 2018
Reconfiguring “Partner”
I don’t take language lightly. For all its flaws and limitations, the ways that we describe and name the things that matter to us is important. We will always miss the mark, at least a little. What you hear and what I say are not always the same thing. It’s the risk we take with… Continue reading Reconfiguring “Partner”
In Shifting Dreams
I fell into sleep with the thought that if I ever claim the threshold of my own desires, it would be a fearsome thing to behold, and woke to the warmth of soft, gentle tears from the beauty of the echoing dreams. I fear what I want and I want what I fear. The crimson… Continue reading In Shifting Dreams
Getting What You Ask For (Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Getting What You Need)
For anyone that knows me, I am notoriously terrible at asking for the things that I want or need from other people. I’m so bad at it, people have created whole scenes for the express purpose of getting me to communicate desires. Part of the reason for this is because I am also notoriously terrible at knowingwhat I… Continue reading Getting What You Ask For (Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Getting What You Need)
Transitions and Transience
I folded myself over on the couch, burying my face into his warmth. “I don’t know how to want you right now,” I said, “but I do.” Transitions are inherently awkward and god, there have been so many lately. For someone who loves movement, the shifting, chaotic whirlwinds of change, it’s been hard to know… Continue reading Transitions and Transience
Better Standards
Maybe we all need to be held to better standards. All of us. Spoiler note: it is exhausting. And sometimes requires that we step away to focus. And it never ends. We get into this world, bright-eyed, excited, finally feeling like we have found our people, found where we belong. Some of us, anyway. I’m… Continue reading Better Standards
Tell Me
I want you to tell me. I don’t know who you are, or if you’re even real. If you exist, somewhere, in the world, in my world. I don’t care. I want you to tell me. Tell me it’s time. After hours of waiting and surges of wanting, its time. I can touch myself, but… Continue reading Tell Me
Monomaniacism 