Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the beauty of people around me. I mean, sure. Aesthetically pleasing. But this, this is a different kind of beauty. The beauty of shadows and light. Complex expressions on the edge of sight. The way he bends. The way she turns her head. The way they smile, sleepily, curled up… Continue reading Fragments
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Sex and Intimacy
Sex and intimacy have never been directly linked for me. Don’t get me wrong, I can definitely find intimacy in sex, particularly with people that I feel very strongly connected to. But I have never needed sex to feel intimate and close with someone. As much of a sexual person as I am, sex has always felt… Continue reading Sex and Intimacy
Consent, Risk Assessment, and Responsibility
It would be really nice if consent were as black-and-white as I want it to be. But even in my own life, I recognize that that is not necessarily true. Example: Two people in an ongoing play/sometimes-sexual relationship decide to do a scene. One person is feeling a little off and not incredibly sexual, and communicate… Continue reading Consent, Risk Assessment, and Responsibility
Need
My body is craving sensation. Pain. I’m trying to remember the last time my body needed to ground down into pain. It’s not a bad feeling, exactly. It’s just disorienting. Like my skin doesn’t fit right and I need to writhe around inside of it. Like I need something that forces me to push against… Continue reading Need
24/7 Switch
Why is this so much harder than I was expecting? I wonder, over and over, until it hits me: without meaning to, without intending to, without really consciously trying to, I accidentally wound up in a 24/7 switch dynamic. Let me back up. We talk about total power exchange, 24/7 D/s and M/s dynamics. Those seem,… Continue reading 24/7 Switch
Subjective/Objective Identities
‘Tis the season of change, the time we set aside to examine (and re-examine) our lives, who we are, what we want for ourselves. And in the midst of this season of new year’s resolutions and heavy introspection (what else are you gonna do when it’s so cold the air hurts?), I can’t stop thinking… Continue reading Subjective/Objective Identities
Diving In
I’m spinning around the thoughts in my head, a pressure canister, trying to hold everything contained in the midst of a tornado grasping and pulling the pieces from my fingertips. Breathe. It’s a frantic dash, the feeling like maybe, just maybe, I can keep everything from flying out of my control if I can just… Continue reading Diving In
Write Me a Story
“Write me a story,” he says. “Something you haven’t written before. Something hard, something that makes your stomach churn and sink at the thought of hitting ‘send.’ Write something honest, something hard, something real. Write something for me.” For him. Laying in the bed, sheets tangled and twisted around my legs, the light tinting my… Continue reading Write Me a Story
Dancing with Demons
Content note: discussion of consensual non-consent (CNC) with references to rape play and coercive non-sober kink Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or something like that, they say. My manic brain put a nice twist on that today: scarcity makes desire obsessive. I’m unraveling a thought thread that is made of so many different parts, I… Continue reading Dancing with Demons
Permission, Consent, and Renegotiating Fearplay
I had a situation occur that has me thinking about the nuanced difference between “permission” and “consent.” Consent, of course, is a complex, complicated concept that roughly comes down to an understanding of limits, boundaries, and activities that people mutually agree to engage in together. Of course it’s more complicated than that, but the focus… Continue reading Permission, Consent, and Renegotiating Fearplay
Monomaniacism 