CW: references to CNC edging on rape play, references to substance use Every thought that passes through is violent. Slammed into the wall so hard my head spins and I can taste the fury, your hands uncontained and wild, roving like someone losing the edge of control, the line between want and need nonexistent as… Continue reading Every Thought is Violent
Category: Blog
On Consent and Making Spaces Safer
Last night, I was having a discussion with a friend in my local community about consent violations. In the midst of our discussion, she encouraged me to do this writing, and while I have some trepidation about it, I think it's good that we continue conversations about how to make our events, classes, playspaces, etc.… Continue reading On Consent and Making Spaces Safer
Anxiety and Projection
Anxiety is a tricky beast. For a long time, I didn't think anxiety was something I struggled with because I don't have a lot of social anxiety. I like being in groups of people most of the time. It feeds my extroverted side, and extroverts don't have anxiety. (This is bullshit, by the way). My brain often… Continue reading Anxiety and Projection
I Want With the Storm
What is it with these storms? They make me itch, make me ravenous. And in my current state of mind- the kind that says, “The world is terrible and we’re headed for collision; we’re all going to die so make the most of it now,”- these storms make me just a little bit reckless. They… Continue reading I Want With the Storm
Bad Ideas
This is a bad idea. Everything is a bad idea. Don't bad ideas make the best stories? I'm jumping in a car that died a couple days ago outside my work and resurrected itself into new life for just one more adventure. One more itch. One more plan. One more bad idea. I love bad… Continue reading Bad Ideas
Therefore, I Believe That I Want You Immensely
Therefore, I believe that I want you immensely. Desire is hard for me. Desire is the thing that gets the wheels spinning in my brain faster than anything. What do you want? When I was younger, that question caused a full-body panic and shutdown. Flashes of images, nausea, muscle spasms- not the sexy ones. And… Continue reading Therefore, I Believe That I Want You Immensely
Letting Go of the Ground
There is an explosive amount of chemistry here. It's visceral, palpable, electric, raw. It comes out when we tie, when we fuck, when we talk, when we catch eyes across the room and smile. It's movement and energy. There is nothing static here; it feeds and builds and brings muscles to move, grasping, squeezing, holding.… Continue reading Letting Go of the Ground
I’m Still Not A Masochist
“I’m still not a masochist,” I said. “What does that even mean?” he responded. I used to think I was a masochist of some sort until I really got into the scene. Until I saw the level that folks play at and realized that that was not a level I could bottom for. Until I… Continue reading I’m Still Not A Masochist
Roller coasters and Adrenaline Rushes
This was a stupid idea. Why are you doing this? This is going to end poorly. Belted in, securely but just-not-securely enough to make me think about every way that I'm going to die in the next three minutes. The clank of machinery, and I think about every engineering student that cheated off me on… Continue reading Roller coasters and Adrenaline Rushes
Flying with Fire
I wasn't sure I would ever find the words. Maybe I haven't yet. Maybe that is the point, the culmination of the feeling of tilting forward, edging toward the event horizon. There are no words for the sense of inversion, a dark pull turned inside out to expel the stars that have lived inside for… Continue reading Flying with Fire
Monomaniacism 