Blog, Kink, Mental Health

Full Moon Sparks

I feel it seeping in my skin. A slow tingle that spreads, warm like bourbon, a sharp spice echoing on my tongue. Wild eyes. I’m biting my lip to ground into something. My limbs are sewn together with lightning and it sparks my movement, surges of kinetic heat. Building, creating. An itch for something a… Continue reading Full Moon Sparks

Blog, Kink, Mental Health

This Is The Chaos

I am running from what is real, afraid of memory and the promise it holds. I gave myself permission and now I am afraid of so much freedom. I am afraid to sink into what lives inside of me. Unscrupulous greys, she called it, that moral compass inside of us that never points north. It’s… Continue reading This Is The Chaos

Blog, Kink, Mental Health

Tell Me What You See

What do you see? Some days, I cannot find the best versions of myself and I decide to be the person other people seem to see in me. But I don't know what you see. I see what I am not. I see the ways in which I fail to be the length and width… Continue reading Tell Me What You See

Blog, Kink, Mental Health

On Rope, Self-Tying, and Body Image

So uh, I've been doing a lot of rope lately, which isn't altogether surprising. When I get something stuck in my teeth, I tend to go hard at it for a while until I either integrate it into my life or let it drop off (guess which direction this one is going?). Doing a lot… Continue reading On Rope, Self-Tying, and Body Image

Blog, Kink, Mental Health

I had this crazy thought that autumn might come quietly

I found a piece of broken glass on the concrete where I pressed my cigarette into the ground and resisted the urge to test its edges. I rediscovered my needle kit last night and opened it, hands itching for violence and skin too afraid to feel. I had this crazy thought that maybe we could… Continue reading I had this crazy thought that autumn might come quietly

Blog, Kink, Mental Health

Gentle Reminders for Dropsy-Feelsy Day

I will never be a tiny, petite human. My body isn't built that way. That is ok. The people in my life like me just fine in the skin I’ve got. Attraction is not a stagnant, fixed thing. It's ok that I look vastly different. Let's be fair; there aren't a lot of people who… Continue reading Gentle Reminders for Dropsy-Feelsy Day

Blog, Kink, Mental Health

Anxiety and Projection

Anxiety is a tricky beast. For a long time, I didn't think anxiety was something I struggled with because I don't have a lot of social anxiety. I like being in groups of people most of the time. It feeds my extroverted side, and extroverts don't have anxiety. (This is bullshit, by the way). My brain often… Continue reading Anxiety and Projection

Blog, Mental Health, Power, Pain, and D/s

Roller coasters and Adrenaline Rushes

This was a stupid idea. Why are you doing this? This is going to end poorly. Belted in, securely but just-not-securely enough to make me think about every way that I'm going to die in the next three minutes. The clank of machinery, and I think about every engineering student that cheated off me on… Continue reading Roller coasters and Adrenaline Rushes

Blog, Kink, Mental Health

Catharsis

CW: singular reference to cathartic self-harm practice Slow movement. The air pressure shifts drops presses contracts against my skin. A sense of waiting, the thin edge between expectation and anticipation. Build rise fall drop. Every breeze feels like the beginning of a hurricane that doesn't manifest fully. Grasping. Midnight purple, the color you are when… Continue reading Catharsis