Blog, Kink, Mental Health

Gentle Reminders for Dropsy-Feelsy Day

I will never be a tiny, petite human. My body isn’t built that way. That is ok. The people in my life like me just fine in the skin I’ve got.

Attraction is not a stagnant, fixed thing. It’s ok that I look vastly different. Let’s be fair; there aren’t a lot of people who look like me to begin with.

People keep doing stuff with me because they like to. It’s not service topping; it’s actually enjoyable and fun.

Kink is not a competition. I don’t have to be the strongest and toughest ever. Feeling strong and tough in my own body doesn’t come from comparison. There will always be someone objectively better. Focus on the subjective.

I’m not a bad rope bottom; I’m a (relatively) new rope bottom (in the sense that, up until recently, I haven’t had that many opportunities to be tied). I communicate well. I react well. I know my body. If my endurance isn’t always what I want it to be, then I can build that. If I can’t hold certain positions or certain strain, it’s not because I’m terrible and no one should bother tying me; it’s because my body either (a) isn’t used to that particular strain or (b) there are physical limitations on what I can do. This is not a bad thing.

Vulnerability is not a weakness.

I do still belong.

I am not perfect. This is ok.

It is ok to ache.

Feelings might be inconvenient, but they aren’t invalid.

Existing from an emotional place is not a weakness.

Writing is not inherently invasive.

Yes, people still like me.

It’s ok that that matters sometimes, especially when it’s based in reciprocity.

Foundations shift with new experiences. This is not a reason for panic.

I can do this.

It’s ok to let people see the mess.

People like my humanness.

It’s ok to be human.

I’m allowed to fail.

I’m allowed to fail in front of other people.

I’m allowed to not know in front of other people.

I am not as incompetent as I feel.

There is a difference between being humble and being self-deprecating.

It’s ok to be afraid.

But do the thing anyway.

My heart is a glorious, messy organ. Remember how to plunge my hands into it.

Keeping my feet on the ground is not the same thing as being trapped.

I don’t have to have the answers. There is a lot of power in learning how to ask the questions.

Beware the tendency to distance through second person. Claim what is mine to claim.

I’ve done this before, many times. These feelings pass. This is not permanent, even though it is, in this moment, necessary. Take what is useful and leave the rest.

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