“I’m still not a masochist,” I said. “What does that even mean?” he responded. I used to think I was a masochist of some sort until I really got into the scene. Until I saw the level that folks play at and realized that that was not a level I could bottom for. Until I… Continue reading I’m Still Not A Masochist
Category: Kink
Roller coasters and Adrenaline Rushes
This was a stupid idea. Why are you doing this? This is going to end poorly. Belted in, securely but just-not-securely enough to make me think about every way that I'm going to die in the next three minutes. The clank of machinery, and I think about every engineering student that cheated off me on… Continue reading Roller coasters and Adrenaline Rushes
Flying with Fire
I wasn't sure I would ever find the words. Maybe I haven't yet. Maybe that is the point, the culmination of the feeling of tilting forward, edging toward the event horizon. There are no words for the sense of inversion, a dark pull turned inside out to expel the stars that have lived inside for… Continue reading Flying with Fire
Losing Control
You want to see me lose control, you say. You are not alone in this. It's a common theme. What I look like when I let go. What I look like when I give up control. I want, too. I want to know why. Do you find it beautiful? The mess, the raw humanness of… Continue reading Losing Control
The Rest of Heaven was Blue
My brain is a fritzball made of static electricity and cotton balls. The world is built of molasses and wet blankets. Burn everything but the wood is damp. You will be lightning and cotton candy again soon. The world maintains its pace, you are feeling inertia. The sky is terrible. I have never loved you… Continue reading The Rest of Heaven was Blue
Memories at Midnight
It's three AM and I am pulsing, a rhythmic hum like current flowing just beneath my skin. If you touched my fingers, the ends would spark, static electricity, small bolts of lightning, a shock, a charge, a moment. I remember, and in remembering, I live and relive the experiences that brought me here to trembling… Continue reading Memories at Midnight
Fusion ’17 Write-Up
This camp was about giving up control. I knew this walking in, although I didn’t expect it to manifest in such a literal way (I did a lot more bottoming this camp than I have in the past). But this camp was about letting go and giving up control: not frantically looking for people or… Continue reading Fusion ’17 Write-Up
Doing Things at Fusion
So, I've been terrible about actually playing at camp the past couple of events, and I would very much like to change that. So, in that spirit, I figured I would name some things I would be open to discussing/negotiating: rope (bottoming): fun ties, I-wanna-practice-some-technical-stuff ties, goofy ties, awkward ties… Not super into insanely sadistic,… Continue reading Doing Things at Fusion
On Fluid Bonding
My partner and I recently changed our safer sex/barrier practices which, of course, brings up the conversation of fluid bonding and what that means in the context of our relationship. It's been a conversation flitting around the periphery of my experience lately because I've been sleeping with (and having more conversations with) people who are… Continue reading On Fluid Bonding
Open Your Eyes
I force my eyes open. They are standing over me and I drink in the curves of their face, their hair cascading down their back and haphazardly draping forward over their shoulder, one hand between my legs, the other wrapped, momentarily, around my throat. I've seen that look before, a slow spreading joy, drinking in… Continue reading Open Your Eyes
Monomaniacism 