Content note: discussion of consensual non-consent (CNC) with references to rape play and coercive non-sober kink Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or something like that, they say. My manic brain put a nice twist on that today: scarcity makes desire obsessive. I’m unraveling a thought thread that is made of so many different parts, I… Continue reading Dancing with Demons
Category: Power, Pain, and D/s
Permission, Consent, and Renegotiating Fearplay
I had a situation occur that has me thinking about the nuanced difference between “permission” and “consent.” Consent, of course, is a complex, complicated concept that roughly comes down to an understanding of limits, boundaries, and activities that people mutually agree to engage in together. Of course it’s more complicated than that, but the focus… Continue reading Permission, Consent, and Renegotiating Fearplay
Coated in Filth: On D/s and Power Exchange
So… D/s and power stuff? Nope nope nope let’s think about something else. This has been my thought cycle the past couple days. A bundle of thoughts sitting patiently, waiting for me to stop being afraid of them. I don’t like being afraid of my thoughts. The music is playing quietly in the background and I… Continue reading Coated in Filth: On D/s and Power Exchange
Flash Fantasies
Flash. Blindfolded. Rough hands, touching gently, then grasping hard enough to pull the gasp from my lips. Then nothing, absence. Cool, metal, keen and sharp. Lips parted. Oh. Pressure, there. A small burn, then warm, wet, lips drinking the blood pooling on the surface of my skin. Shivering, cold where they drank me in. I would give… Continue reading Flash Fantasies
Emotional Masochism
After morning coffee talks about sounding and scene-building and fear play (as ya do), my brain went on a rampage of building scenes for myself that would fuck with my head real bad. So I started making a list...and in that list, started finding a common theme. For me, emotional and psychosocial masochism is the… Continue reading Emotional Masochism
Every Thought is Violent
CW: references to CNC edging on rape play, references to substance use Every thought that passes through is violent. Slammed into the wall so hard my head spins and I can taste the fury, your hands uncontained and wild, roving like someone losing the edge of control, the line between want and need nonexistent as… Continue reading Every Thought is Violent
I’m Still Not A Masochist
“I’m still not a masochist,” I said. “What does that even mean?” he responded. I used to think I was a masochist of some sort until I really got into the scene. Until I saw the level that folks play at and realized that that was not a level I could bottom for. Until I… Continue reading I’m Still Not A Masochist
Roller coasters and Adrenaline Rushes
This was a stupid idea. Why are you doing this? This is going to end poorly. Belted in, securely but just-not-securely enough to make me think about every way that I'm going to die in the next three minutes. The clank of machinery, and I think about every engineering student that cheated off me on… Continue reading Roller coasters and Adrenaline Rushes
Edging Edgeplay
CW: discussion/reference to con-noncon-ish stuff Sometimes, I like to play with fucked up things. Only, they don’t really feel fucked up. They’re just… what my brain does. What my brain has done for as long as I can remember having fantasies. Coming into my room at night, coercion, seduction, “you’d do this if you really loved me,”… Continue reading Edging Edgeplay
Possession
A breath. Inhale. The expansion of stardust in my lungs, the galaxies of oxygen swirling around like wisps of air and hurricane gusts, invisible, pervasive. Mind analytical, focused, examining, wondering, coiled tight and begging for release. Slow. What lives watches, and waits, in anticipation, consideration. The eyes from everywhere and nowhere; we are a part… Continue reading Possession
Monomaniacism 