Blog, Consent, Kink, Power, Pain, and D/s

Permission, Consent, and Renegotiating Fearplay

I had a situation occur that has me thinking about the nuanced difference between “permission” and “consent.” Consent, of course, is a complex, complicated concept that roughly comes down to an understanding of limits, boundaries, and activities that people mutually agree to engage in together. Of course it’s more complicated than that, but the focus… Continue reading Permission, Consent, and Renegotiating Fearplay

Blog, Consent, Kink

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

This might be an unpopular opinion, but it's something I've been mulling around in my head lately: the way I play privately is very different from how I play publicly...never mind “best practices” discussions and what we teach about safety, consent, and how to navigate the scene. It's not bad or good; it just is what it… Continue reading Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Blog, Consent, Kink, Psychological & CNC

Safewords, CNC, and How We Define Consent

This has been ruminating for some time, and recent conversations with several people- including discussing co-teaching a class on CNC-have brought it back to the forefront of my mind, along with the general community-wide discussions of consent. So, I figured now is as good a time as any. The content warnings are what you would… Continue reading Safewords, CNC, and How We Define Consent

Blog, Consent, Kink

On Consent and Making Spaces Safer

Last night, I was having a discussion with a friend in my local community about consent violations. In the midst of our discussion, she encouraged me to do this writing, and while I have some trepidation about it, I think it's good that we continue conversations about how to make our events, classes, playspaces, etc.… Continue reading On Consent and Making Spaces Safer

Blog, Consent, Kink, Mental Health

Glow-in-the-fucking-dark Stars

Content warning: trauma, triggers, sexual assault My biological mother and I do not get along for a variety of reasons. We do best when we talk every couple of months and see each other once a year. She wants more, I want less. It’s a compromise. I knew she was going to be coming through… Continue reading Glow-in-the-fucking-dark Stars

Blog, Consent, Kink

Here, Have a Blanket

It’s a running joke between a friend and myself: “Here, have a blanket.” It stems from a mutual agreement of blanket consent in how we physically touch and interact with one another. When one of us (usually me), does something (e.g. I start punching him because he’s being ridiculous, because he often is) and then… Continue reading Here, Have a Blanket

Blog, Consent, Kink

Consent is a muscle, not a tool

Tool: (n) a device or implement…used to carry out a particular function A thing used in an occupation or pursuit (cited here) We talk a lot about tools for navigating different situations: tools for navigating mental health, tools for addressing social inequality, tools for setting good boundaries, and so forth. Tools are useful. They’re important. They… Continue reading Consent is a muscle, not a tool