Blog, Consent, Kink

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

This might be an unpopular opinion, but it's something I've been mulling around in my head lately: the way I play privately is very different from how I play publicly...never mind “best practices” discussions and what we teach about safety, consent, and how to navigate the scene. It's not bad or good; it just is what it… Continue reading Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Blog, Consent, Kink, Psychological & CNC

Safewords, CNC, and How We Define Consent

This has been ruminating for some time, and recent conversations with several people- including discussing co-teaching a class on CNC-have brought it back to the forefront of my mind, along with the general community-wide discussions of consent. So, I figured now is as good a time as any. The content warnings are what you would… Continue reading Safewords, CNC, and How We Define Consent

Blog, Consent, Kink

On Consent and Making Spaces Safer

Last night, I was having a discussion with a friend in my local community about consent violations. In the midst of our discussion, she encouraged me to do this writing, and while I have some trepidation about it, I think it's good that we continue conversations about how to make our events, classes, playspaces, etc.… Continue reading On Consent and Making Spaces Safer

Blog, Consent, Kink, Mental Health

Glow-in-the-fucking-dark Stars

Content warning: trauma, triggers, sexual assault My biological mother and I do not get along for a variety of reasons. We do best when we talk every couple of months and see each other once a year. She wants more, I want less. It’s a compromise. I knew she was going to be coming through… Continue reading Glow-in-the-fucking-dark Stars

Blog, Consent, Kink

Here, Have a Blanket

It’s a running joke between a friend and myself: “Here, have a blanket.” It stems from a mutual agreement of blanket consent in how we physically touch and interact with one another. When one of us (usually me), does something (e.g. I start punching him because he’s being ridiculous, because he often is) and then… Continue reading Here, Have a Blanket

Blog, Consent, Kink

Consent is a muscle, not a tool

Tool: (n) a device or implement…used to carry out a particular function A thing used in an occupation or pursuit (cited here) We talk a lot about tools for navigating different situations: tools for navigating mental health, tools for addressing social inequality, tools for setting good boundaries, and so forth. Tools are useful. They’re important. They… Continue reading Consent is a muscle, not a tool