Blog, Consent, Kink, Power, Pain, and D/s

Tell Me

I want you to tell me. I don’t know who you are, or if you’re even real. If you exist, somewhere, in the world, in my world. I don’t care. I want you to tell me. Tell me it’s time. After hours of waiting and surges of wanting, its time. I can touch myself, but… Continue reading Tell Me

Blog, Consent, Kink

Consent, Risk Assessment, and Responsibility

It would be really nice if consent were as black-and-white as I want it to be. But even in my own life, I recognize that that is not necessarily true. Example: Two people in an ongoing play/sometimes-sexual relationship decide to do a scene. One person is feeling a little off and not incredibly sexual, and communicate… Continue reading Consent, Risk Assessment, and Responsibility

Blog, Consent, Kink, Power, Pain, and D/s

Permission, Consent, and Renegotiating Fearplay

I had a situation occur that has me thinking about the nuanced difference between “permission” and “consent.” Consent, of course, is a complex, complicated concept that roughly comes down to an understanding of limits, boundaries, and activities that people mutually agree to engage in together. Of course it’s more complicated than that, but the focus… Continue reading Permission, Consent, and Renegotiating Fearplay

Blog, Consent, Kink

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

This might be an unpopular opinion, but it's something I've been mulling around in my head lately: the way I play privately is very different from how I play publicly...never mind “best practices” discussions and what we teach about safety, consent, and how to navigate the scene. It's not bad or good; it just is what it… Continue reading Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Blog, Consent, Kink, Psychological & CNC

Safewords, CNC, and How We Define Consent

This has been ruminating for some time, and recent conversations with several people- including discussing co-teaching a class on CNC-have brought it back to the forefront of my mind, along with the general community-wide discussions of consent. So, I figured now is as good a time as any. The content warnings are what you would… Continue reading Safewords, CNC, and How We Define Consent

Blog, Consent, Kink

On Consent and Making Spaces Safer

Last night, I was having a discussion with a friend in my local community about consent violations. In the midst of our discussion, she encouraged me to do this writing, and while I have some trepidation about it, I think it's good that we continue conversations about how to make our events, classes, playspaces, etc.… Continue reading On Consent and Making Spaces Safer

Blog, Consent, Kink, Mental Health

Glow-in-the-fucking-dark Stars

Content warning: trauma, triggers, sexual assault My biological mother and I do not get along for a variety of reasons. We do best when we talk every couple of months and see each other once a year. She wants more, I want less. It’s a compromise. I knew she was going to be coming through… Continue reading Glow-in-the-fucking-dark Stars