Blog, Kink, Non-Monogamy, Queerness

I Am Not Your Partner

This isn't really a response to any one person or situation, but rather a collection of discussions I've had over the last few weeks. It feels worth it to talk about publicly because it's something that is increasingly important to me, and it has come up with various people in different situations. The short version:… Continue reading I Am Not Your Partner

Blog, Kink, Mental Health, Psychological & CNC, Queerness

Lessons Learned

This is going to be long, and mostly exists for me to bookmark something important for myself, but perhaps there are kernels in here for others as well. I’m exhausted, but if I don’t write this now, I’m afraid I will lose this feeling and with it, the opportunity to capture pieces of this into… Continue reading Lessons Learned

Blog, Queerness

Don’t Tell Me You’re Queer

Show me. Show me in the way you move through the world, in the way that you think and act and respond and live. Queer is a multidimensional concept. Queer isn't just who you fuck, but how. Queer isn't just to whom you show affection, but when and why. Queer is sensory; it has form… Continue reading Don’t Tell Me You’re Queer

Blog, Kink, Queerness

Action Vs. Identity: A Response

This morning, I read a piece by another author and it sat really strangely with me for a while. With her consent to link and respond, I wanted to talk a bit about what it brought up for me and my own thoughts on it. Before I begin, please let me say: I do not intend… Continue reading Action Vs. Identity: A Response

Blog, Kink, Queerness

Musings on Sexpectations

I never realized I had queer sex because I didn’t realize, for a long time, that there was another way to have sex. I grew up in a lesbian household, and my understanding of sex was shaped in that context. In middle and high school, as people’s sexualities (mine own included) began to develop, I… Continue reading Musings on Sexpectations

Blog, Queerness

We’re (Still) Not Dreaming

It’s been a couple days. We’ve pinched ourselves, screamed “WAKE UP!”, turned around three times and cursed (or spat), crawled under the covers, got blackout drunk, looked at endless streams of kitten videos, and prayed that this would all be some horrendous nightmare or well-executed (but thoroughly un-funny joke). We wake up again this morning… Continue reading We’re (Still) Not Dreaming

Blog, Kink, Queerness

I Don’t Need Allies; I Need Comrades

note: this is pretty raw, unedited, emotional output. Please don't expect polished and shiny. I don't have it in me right now. My partner and I found ourselves having similar conversations with two separate people this morning. Amazing, wonderful friends who are so aware of their own privilege and the space they take up that… Continue reading I Don’t Need Allies; I Need Comrades

Blog, Kink, Queerness

Thanks, and Fuck You Very Much

I'm scared to pick my goddaughter up from school. Today it was the guys in the car, slowing to a crawl and jeering, catcalling. I gestured at them to move the fuck along, but she still saw it. She didn't say anything, but she saw it. My heart skipped a beat when they pulled into… Continue reading Thanks, and Fuck You Very Much

Blog, Queerness

You Don’t Get to Feel Better

This is not the time to be silent. This is the time to stand with people. Stand, and know where you stand. This isn't the time for sitting on the fence. We are dying. It's that simple. We are dying every single fucking day. Which part of this do you not understand? Be outraged, yes.… Continue reading You Don’t Get to Feel Better

Blog, Kink, Queerness

Femme Erasure in the queer community

A few months ago, I published Are You Queer Enough?, which began a massive, complex line of dialogue that reaches so many facets of the queer community. There are so many aspects of queerness that I want to have dialogue about and trying to put them all into one post is overwhelming... I think writing… Continue reading Femme Erasure in the queer community